Rhythm of Love

We may only have tonight but till the morning sun you’re mine. All mine. - Rhythm of Love, Plain White T’s.

If there’s a list for my worst days, guess what? Today would be at the top place, number one. Nothing was right. Not even before the sun rise.

I was woken up by a horrible nightmare just in the early morning. 3.35am

As my eyes open up, my heart was pounding, heck fast. I don’t remember anything from the nightmare, but just the frightening feeling. I ran and switched on all the lights. The darkness was creeping hell out of me. Then. I could sleep no more.

At school. Someone raised their voices on me, twice. And I couldn’t fight back the terrified feeling, and my body was shuddering. But I still had to abide with it, face it with a smile. What else is there to do huh?

And since when did I become such a coward?

I counted my Physics marks. (first punch in my heart)

I got back my Add Math paper. (fucking second punch in my heart)

And that hurts so much. I even started to get teary. I fell completely silent. I weren’t able to utter a word. I doubt there’s any word to speak. I was disappointed. I was depressed.

I had never felt that miserable before.

“Very low only. 94.”
“Wow, even my mark is higher than a 12.”

&)*^(*#%!$@$##*^%(*^@

I don’t blame them. Because someone taught me before, blamers are losers.

To be honest, I was afraid to move my lips and talk. Anything might trigger my tear duct and I would just break down. No. That’s too embarrassing. Oh come on, it’s just an examination. No big deal.

Yeah right.

Well, no one spoke a comforting word either, to my surprise actually. But I too, don’t blame them. Why should I? Maybe it’s good that they kept quiet too. Given me some space, empty my mind and think.

Next. The meeting. Ugh. Just to remind me of the heavy burden, and all the events for the coming year lining up already. And just to remind me again, how long are they going to hold on to the grudge. How long will it possibly take to regain back the bond between us? It will never be the same anymore, if this continues. I’m scare. And I need support. Worse, I don’t feel them. Maybe it’s because I didn’t voice out, perhaps.

I don’t know if I can handle it. I don’t know if I’m capable of. (a second of hesitate)

And the day ended badly. I guess my emo feeling bugged him. I shouldn’t have said anything, because it doesn’t change a thing right? Maybe not. Maybe it might make me feel a lot better. But as stated before, there’s nothing left to say too right?

I’m sorry. I’m sorry I behaved this way.

IT SUCKS TO BE ME. It really sucks.

I ponder upon a question, if you are here, would you be able to find the right words to comfort me, my special friend?

Ya know what? I should still be grateful, at least there’s a tiny part of the day I felt happy, maybe happy isn’t that word. At least I felt better. Well I did laugh didn’t I?

Tomorrow would be a better day, I hope.

torn.

Can you hold my hand

Once again,

And give me strength?

I've spent my weekends thinking so much. So much...

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I start to doubt if it's going to work out.

Now, it's not a matter of whether we're willing or not, I guess. It's not our choice. This time, it's different. Cause it doesn't depend on what our decision is. Hon, help me.

I still couldn't figure out: How am I suppose to stay away from you when we're already 250 kilometers apart?

Sighed. Why couldn't they understand? Why?

[/edited]
My 'Betrayal' poem. Managed to finish the poem in a sec, cause I found back the saddening feeling I felt once.

Breathing in your harsh words
Every single of them unveiling your true mask
Terrified
Rising anger
And suddenly I feel like I don't know you
You broke your promise
And walked away
Leaving behind, only me and my broken heart.

please don't.

What happened, to our love?

Today have been a fun day. But I'm upset by myself.

I am definately your worst girlfriend ever. We've never been that speechless before. I was wondering, wondering, wondering why you wouldn't talk. I might be the reason too. I remain silent, because worried that just one word would upset you. And I really don't wanna make things worst. But I could have done better. I could have not just remain silent, because that doesn't seem to make things right. Tell me how to straighten things up. Tell me how to make you happier. Tell me what should I do to see that smile on your face once more. Tell me what's wrong. Say something, it's scarying me.

Why should I do? Honey, help me. Would we even survive through this summer?

boy, you're one in a million.

If I got down on my knees and told you I was yours forever,
would you get down on yours too and take my hand?

7 am.

I haven't woke up so early since ages ago. Went for breakfast at Old Town with dad (for the first time ever I had breakfast with my dad!) The breeze which blew towards my face was so soft and comfortable as it was raining and I insisted on sitting outside of the cafe. I was drinking hot lemon tea, with Breaking Dawn on my hand. Gosh, it's so comfortable that I didn't want to leave! lol.

Wanted to study yesterday, but failed to. Got addicted to Friends for Sale and Facebook Quizzes, die. 12 days till PMR Trial! I really need a very strong determination to start chewing books.

What Your Birth Month Says About You
Regina just analyze what birth month say about her.

For Regina Lee who birth on month December below are What Your Birth Month Says About You :

* Loyal and generous
* Patriotic
* Active in games and interactions
* Impatient and hasty
* Ambitious
* Influential in organisations
* Fun to be with
* Loves to socialise
* Loves praises
* Loves attention
* Loves to be loved
* Honest and trustworthy
* Not pretending
* Short tempered
* Changing personality
* Not egoistic
* Takes high pride in oneself
* Hates restrictions
* Loves to joke
* Good sense of humor
* Logical

Which do you disagree, people?

Read one of the emo stories, I'll post up everyday one chapter of the story. Ridiculous, but amazing story. Even though it's so never going to happen in reality.

Hidden Tears. Chapter One, Jake the Sweet Heart.

Jake spots you as he sees you walking. He finds out your name because of your friends. “Hey __________. I couldn’t help but notice you. (:" He says. “Do I even know you?” You responded. “No, but we could change that.” “No Thanks. NOT INTERESTED.”

Jake sees this really tall fence and starts to climb it. You stare at him wondering what he’s up to. He finally gets to the top of the 20-foot-tall fence. He screams, “If you don’t agree to go out with me __________, I’ll jump and kill myself!” There’s no way he would do that. You think to yourself. He’s still sitting, leaning over about to fall. You have no idea what to do, yet you screamed "YES! I’ll go out with you!" He smiles softly and stares at you with his dreamy blue eyes. “PROMISE?” “Yes! I promise!” You start to fall for him and you smile too. He comes down as you leave to go home.

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(The Next Day.)

“Hey __________. Ready to go out for our date?” Jake says. “What date?” “The one you
agreed to yesterday”. “Ohhh, I said that so you wouldn’t jump. Sorry.” “But, you promised.” “I don’t remember that." “Well, I do. Come on, you won’t regret it. I promise. And I ALWAYS keep my promise." “Uhhh, I guess…" “GREAT! I’ll meet you here at 7:00pm?” “Okay then.”

You worry if you made the right choice. When you go home, you decided to get dressed up. Thoughts kept running through your head. This guy was so nuts that he almost jumped off a fence for me! He must really like me, but he barely knows me. He probably think’s I’m cute or something. How shallow. You know what? I’m not even going to go. He won’t mind. That’ll teach him.

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(7:46 P.M.)

She’s fourty-six minutes late! Man, what should I do? He stands there at that same spot waiting for you holding his guitar, flowers, chocolate and a HUGE teddy bear. When will she come?

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Two hours pass by and he’s still waiting for you. As he waits, you are at your house
dancing to music. You wonder what he’s doing. Yet, you could care less.

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Jake heard loud music. That music was coming from your house! He noticed it was you and got angry that you didn’t show up. He still decided to do what he wanted to do all along. He started playing his guitar softly. You start to hear him play. You look out of your window seeing him in front of your house, playing and singing for you. You run downstairs and you stand right in front of him smiling. You realize he’s playing your favorite slow song.

“Why? How do you know everything about me? My name, where I live, my favorite song,
and the fact I’ve always dreamt of a guy practically killing himself for me. I-I never expected for you to come. But you did. I’m so happy you did. I-I’m so sorry I didn’t come. I thought that you only liked me because of my looks. I thought you were shallow. But your really sweet and cute too. I-I regret not coming earlier. I-I’m sor--”

He interrupted you when he pulled you in and passionately kissed you. You smile so hard, you blushed. “Actually, I’ve been watching you for really long. I’ve been told that the one who will be mine, I’ll know who it is. I’ll know because of this feeling. When I first saw you, I don’t know why, but I felt this ecstasy inside. I wanted you, I needed you.” He gave you everything he brought. You especially adored the giant teddy bear. Every time you see the bear, you think of him. You went to sleep with a smile on your face.

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(In The Morning.)

He came to your house. He tells you, “ __________, I have really bad news.” “What is it Jake?” “Well you see, I--”

To be continued ...

Baby come back to me, I'll be everything you need - Come Back To Me, Utada.

...

Your words are like swords, too sharp for my heart to handle.
Since when did I said I was mad at you? Since when did I said I was angry at her? Since when did I said I got pissed off? Hey please, I know you're not mine alright? I hate to say this but I hate you, a lot at this point.

people changes, so do you.

You didn't mean it baby when you said forever and always.

)’: )’: )’: He, she, I, you, we, they don’t understand me.

Darn it. I’m crying like shit right now. I don’t know how to explain it either. I really need a shoulder. And I hate my life right now, everything is just so wrong. I felt like ending it anytime. Oh yes, that would be great. Even though I know that shows I’m a coward – never wanted to face the truth, face the problem, never. Even though I know I’m useless, helpless, I never did anything. I’m really totally fed up with my attitude. No one can help, no one will either. But then, I was disappointed by you too. I thought you’ll understand after you know the truth. Yet, everything seems like got even worst. You changed so much, it’s like you don’t care anymore.

… …

They said I’m getting out of control, wild and so on. Rebellious would definitely be suitable for me isn’t? Yeah, yeah, so whatever. I didn’t do anything wrong or bad, it’s just a gathering. What’s the big deal? Why will it end up me locked up forever? Anyone can set me free? It’s my fault for rising up my voice, I admit. But then, I’ve been putting all the anger and unhappiness inside me for such a long time. Sometimes I may have became impatient and explode or whatever you say. I know I have a lot of activities, so what. That isn’t a bad thing, and I did not neglect my studies either. And yeah, I really felt like saying this in front of them – it is PMR year, so what. Why are exams and studies so important in their eyes? Wtf. Why they never think about how I felt? Why, why, why. Why can’t I just have a little of my privacy and freedom?

Sigh. I promise to myself, my kids won’t live in a world like I had.

oh my god.

God, just let me lost my mind.

Can’t believe it, can’t believe it, can’t believe it (x10) everything happened so fast, just in a flick of time. I was standing way high up on the elevator. My group mates – yan ling su ming pui kei and mern jo were helping me all around. They were supposed to throw me to the front and I’ll fall in their arms. So, I didn’t move, I trusted them and let them control me. But, the next second I heard a loud thud and I was on the ground.

I stunned for a few seconds, because I fell to the ground and my head hit the ground so very hard. Suddenly, everyone surrounded me and hugged me so tightly. Weird because I felt nothing – not even a bit of pain, but tears burst out. The others thought I was really in pain, and couldn’t stop rubbing back of my head, asking do you know me, etc.

Ee ring told me that su yin also fell down and knocked her head once. She didn’t felt anything too after she fell, but at night her mom called and she was in the hospital. omg, omg. Hopefully that tragedy won’t happen to me. No-no-no, I don’t wanna die at such young age whey.

I was thinking I might lose my mind or either die when I fell, but strangely I wasn’t afraid at all.

[/edit]

It’s either you be mine or I’ll be yours.

Az, I’m really sorry I disappointed you. I still have a lot of things unable to speak out today when I’m in front of you. I reacted too quickly. And it’s like everything I said is not supposed to be said, everything came out in the opposite way. I walked away too fast. I should listen to your opinion first. Don’t just agree with me, I’m sure there is something you wanted to say too, right?

Az, I wanted you to know that I’m not okay at all for this one month and eleven days. I didn’t purposely pretended you don’t exist, I wanted to because I was hoping that it would help me to forget about you easier. And I wanted to forget about you because since that day you threw everything back to me, I thought you’ve forget about everything and you’ve gave up.

Az, I thought about being back friends during this one month and eleven days too. But, I was really afraid that the same thing would happen again. You know the main reason why we’re unable to be together now, it’s because we’ve lost contact – we don’t have that much time being together and my own problems, I couldn’t solve problems face to face and I makes you felt like you’re just a friend of mine rather than a boyfriend. So, what’s the main point when after being back as friends and then be in a relationship, and everything repeats again? Crossing the border line will only make things worst.

Az, I know I’ve been giving you that cold look and just walked passed you every time I see you. I didn’t wanted it too, I wanted to just look at you and smiled like how I used to. But, I’m afraid you too might give me that cold look or maybe worst, acted like I’m invisible. It will only hurt me more, so I thought why don’t just remain in this status even though it’s still hurting me, but at least it won’t be that bad.

Az, I miss you and yes I still love you like never.

God, please choose either make me lose my mind or make the sun come out once again.

Wt-hella.

Was being so emotional after back home. Damn it the sulky face. Weep for silly reason, got angry so easily on small stuffs. Shit lah, wt-hella is wrong with me.

Had some kind of breathing difficulty this morning after running up and down for don't-know-how-many-times at Block G. During the assembly, suddenly head was spinning and felt like fainting. Duh. Just pray that the Asthma-I-Hated won't happen again. And at the recess time, kena-ed by the oil from the Burger Stall. Not quite serious, only really painful at the beginning but I'm lucky that not my eyes that kena-ed, if not I really can't imagine that horrible scene.

Sighed.