coming on coming on coming on

So let's see. Half year's gone.

Why not I have recall on what had happened for this 6 months? Not a bad idea!

January.
Starting of Form Four year was terrible. I weren't able to adapt to the stressful life. It was really hard. But slowly, things get better as I learned more, know more and got closer with the teachers. Chemistry Biology Physics Add Maths. Though this four new subjects were tough, it's all the same, I still made it through this month without much big academic problems.

And then there was the chaos on the secret. That bitch. His/her identity remained unrevealed even till now.

My relationship was in an unstable condition. As Hairul's class and mine was so faraway and our school time table weren't the same either. We meet with each other rarely. But we made it through anyway. Secret's word that we'll break up very soon freaked the heck out of me. But we're still together. And you are very wrong, bitch.

February.

It's sort of a mixed-up feeling month. As Hairul finally got his letter and he was leaving. Yeah. Was extremely emotional. And I was very afraid too. I was very unsure whether it will work out for us or not. Finally, I decided to just leave our relationship go on by itself. Since I'm not capable of doing anything, I just put all my trust and believe in him. And see if it's gonna be okay.

We made it through February.

March.


The Sports Day month. Had extreme training everyday for Green House cheerleader! Ok, to be honest, it weren't fun. We were darn stressed out. And we cried so much, seriously. But anyhow, we did our best.

First term exam. I weren't ready. OB-VIOUS-LY.

April.

It was Yen Theng's birthday month. Gave her a present and she loved it lots!

Then for the first time ever, I went out with Vivian Chong only. Was a super-b experience! I remembered one of the salesgirl urged us whether we've finished trying on or not. We were cam whoring, that's why it takes longer than usual. And Vivian was so nervous when she came that she kept on dropping the clothes. HAHA And she also kept complaining why others look at me but not her. LOL, silly her.

I was being emo for quite a while. And I actually was, almost gonna give up. But I thought again, we've gone too far, and it's not worth just because of that little obstacle.

May.

It was Xiang Ting's birthday month. Planned 3 surprises all together, and yipee - made her so happy. And rewarded me with a kiss. Ooh-la-la! HAHAHA

Then, there was also the big cleaning up held in school. During a school replacement, on Saturday lah. It was so enjoyable the whole day. Chatted non-stop with the guys! Fooled around, and I still remembered the Eric's Cup. Bwahahaha!


And not forget to mention, the 'bestest' teacher's day ever.

June.

Then the second term exam hits. Awful.

(The others I've partly mentioned in my previous post)

And also what I hope for, the coming days.

1. Meet up with my boyfriend who I haven't seen for 129 days! <3

2. Work out my Physics and Chemistry problems

3. Get all the movies, books on my pending list

4. Plan a great Farewell Party for our PRS Form Fives

5. Survive for one week without Xiang Ting while she's having competition at Hong Kong *in tears*

6. Attend Get Together Concert (if the performances and special guests are nice enough)

7. Attend PRS Night (which I'm really looking forward to)

8. Travel to ShangHai for the World EXPO event (if and only if, dad can afford)

9. Make a magazine that will satisfy my teammates for Mag Inc 2010

I guess that's all. See ya tomorrow, everyone! Au revoir.

holding back, letting go.

Singapore education seems likely better than us, or maybe tons better than our country. But there are so many things holding me back! Alright, it's not like I'm definitely going to pass through the test (seriously IT ISN'T EASY) But I was just thinking, just perhaps, what if I was that lucky and I got the scholarship? How then? Am I going to give up this, such a rare chance? Friends, families and ... the person who I cannot let go the most. But my future would surely shine brighter over there. I need to sacrifice that lot of things! Being faraway from familes, that will be just me and my teddy then.

...

Alright alright, the chances of being able to get that scholarship is ... so low. So, I guess I'll probably just try it out. It wouldn't harm, right?

Anyhow I might as well share the details and informations about Xin Min Scholarship.

Xin Min Scholarship is for 4 years. 2 years in Secondary College "O Level", and 2 more years in Junior College "A Level". This scholarship doesn't include any bond with the government or school or anything, after you've finished studying 4 years, you are free to go anywhere. But most probably you have only one option which is to stay at Singapore and continue studying in their local Us. If you achieved good results in A Level (which my tuition teacher commented a lot of malaysian do) there will definitely be a lot of Us offering scholarship to further your studies. But if you did not, or perhaps the results wasn't as good as what the sponsor expected, you might need to pay for the fees to study the Us in Singapore. (And not to forget to mention, the fees will cost a lot) On the other hand, you also cannot return to Malaysia and study at local Us because Malaysia government only accept SPM graduate. But still, private college and university offers scholarship.

And next. Xin Min Scholarship too, includes all your school fees for your 4 years studies, hostel accommodation (which includes laundry and meals), first year school fees (this fees is only given once which is the first year when you enters the school - for your uniform, bags, stationary, so on), allowance every month, medical insurance and others. For your information, the cocurricular activites in Xin Min Sec. School is also very attracting. Such as Chinese Dance, Chinese Orkestra, Symphonic Band, English Drama, Chinese Modern Opera, Rock Climbing, Shooting, Badminton, National Police Cadet Corps, Girls' and Boys' Brigade, etc. All of the uniformed groups had achieved many sliver and gold awards. Not to forget, Xin Min Sec. School's facilities are very good too. Indoor Sports Hall, Air-Conditioned Multi-Purpose Hall, Biomedical Research Lab! etc.

Now here are the important dates:

14th of October - Closing Date for Submitting The Application Forms
29th of October - Selected Student's Test
30th of October - Interview
26th of October - Selected Scholars Reported at Singapore

For those who are interested, you can kindly ask for the application form from our school's counselor, Mr. Puvan.

The student would need to sit for three test, English, Maths and General Ability (something like general knowledge, moral values and IQ questions) And by midnight, the sponsor would sms or call your phone, telling that you're accepted and you'll need to be prepare for the interview then. During the interview, these are the few things they would look for in you:

1. Adaptation to a New Enviroment
2. Ability to Handle Stress
3. Motivation to Study in Singapore
4. Leadership
5. Confidence
6. Communication

And after that, they'll make a confirmation by phoning you telling you that you're accepted. Then, you will just spend the rest of the quality time with your familes and friends. By 26th of December, you'll need to be ready to start your brand new life already.

...

Xin Min Secondary School, so how would it be for my future?

My tuition teacher says, most of them who went to study at Singapore wouldn't come back to Malaysia anymore.

what a life!

A struggle between future and friends. What the hell.

Where's the one I needed most? Where's the one who I used to share all my sadness with? ...

Alright here's the thing, people.

Class teacher had started asking us about our Form Fours classes. And I started to worry ... Whether I wanna give up on my own mother language or not. I'm strangling between Account and Mandarin. It's not like I'm saying mandarin isn't important, but compared to account ... And relate it with the future. Mandarin seems nothing, honestly. Account at least it will be able to help me in the future, well perhaps. Even though being an accountant wouldn't be on my list. But parents said no matter what occupation you choose to have, there's definitely still something that has to be related to account.

Maybe, parents affected my thoughts too.

But the thing I couldn't give up on. The worst thing is. If I had to choose this way, I don't know how to face a bunch of strangers without my all time best friends. Who should I sit with? Who would be the ones to laugh over my jokes? Who would be the ones to tease me about my hair? Who would be my group mates when we're having a project? I have doubt whether we'll be able to continue as best friends too. (I'm starting to feel like how MJ used to feel last year)

How can I even find another best friend again? I doubt whether I'll be able to fit in well with the other class mates. People might find me sitting in the corner of the class, alone. Thinking I'm definitely those girls who doesn't talk much but just read. Ew, I don't want that. It's beginning to feel like I'm returning to the past, before I met up with my crazy girls.

Sigh, best friends that I couldn't live without. And the other way around?

If I choose to stay with my best friends, I'm afraid that I might feel regret later. Especially when I get not-that-good-grade for mandarin. Or when I graduated, realizing so hard to find a job and thought of why I didn't choose to study account when I had the chance to. Mandarin doesn't find me a job. I know great poems and stuffs about mandarin. But it doesn't help me in the future. It's just a knowledge. Darn it.

Tears swelled over me.

Everything is ruined right now. Everything seems worse to be right now. Because the one isn't there. It isn't his fault, but hell. I don't feel right. Will you ever talk to me from now on? Will things work out between us? Will I even be able to survive through this half-broken relationship? But ... I don't want to end it, again. And that will be the last choice I would ever think about. I've lost hope in us already, to be honest. I miss the old you, just so you know. You've changed, so have I uh.

Sigh, sighed. For the other fucking thing. 10 subjects for SPM, blame the government eh.