what a life!

A struggle between future and friends. What the hell.

Where's the one I needed most? Where's the one who I used to share all my sadness with? ...

Alright here's the thing, people.

Class teacher had started asking us about our Form Fours classes. And I started to worry ... Whether I wanna give up on my own mother language or not. I'm strangling between Account and Mandarin. It's not like I'm saying mandarin isn't important, but compared to account ... And relate it with the future. Mandarin seems nothing, honestly. Account at least it will be able to help me in the future, well perhaps. Even though being an accountant wouldn't be on my list. But parents said no matter what occupation you choose to have, there's definitely still something that has to be related to account.

Maybe, parents affected my thoughts too.

But the thing I couldn't give up on. The worst thing is. If I had to choose this way, I don't know how to face a bunch of strangers without my all time best friends. Who should I sit with? Who would be the ones to laugh over my jokes? Who would be the ones to tease me about my hair? Who would be my group mates when we're having a project? I have doubt whether we'll be able to continue as best friends too. (I'm starting to feel like how MJ used to feel last year)

How can I even find another best friend again? I doubt whether I'll be able to fit in well with the other class mates. People might find me sitting in the corner of the class, alone. Thinking I'm definitely those girls who doesn't talk much but just read. Ew, I don't want that. It's beginning to feel like I'm returning to the past, before I met up with my crazy girls.

Sigh, best friends that I couldn't live without. And the other way around?

If I choose to stay with my best friends, I'm afraid that I might feel regret later. Especially when I get not-that-good-grade for mandarin. Or when I graduated, realizing so hard to find a job and thought of why I didn't choose to study account when I had the chance to. Mandarin doesn't find me a job. I know great poems and stuffs about mandarin. But it doesn't help me in the future. It's just a knowledge. Darn it.

Tears swelled over me.

Everything is ruined right now. Everything seems worse to be right now. Because the one isn't there. It isn't his fault, but hell. I don't feel right. Will you ever talk to me from now on? Will things work out between us? Will I even be able to survive through this half-broken relationship? But ... I don't want to end it, again. And that will be the last choice I would ever think about. I've lost hope in us already, to be honest. I miss the old you, just so you know. You've changed, so have I uh.

Sigh, sighed. For the other fucking thing. 10 subjects for SPM, blame the government eh.

live, once.

People come and go. Only some left us earlier, and gone to the heaven earlier.

I just found out a guy, Bryan Chan Kuok Jhun from SMK Taman Desa, a friend of my friends had passed away, and left this world. Even though I don't know him, tears still overwhelmed me while I read all the wishes from his friends. Reace In Peace, great guy. I pray hard that he's having a better life at the other side of the world.

A Tribute For Bryan.
Wen Cai's Blog.
Li Ling's Blog.
Bryan's Mail Box.
Kevin's Blog.
Yee Thong's Blog.
Joycelin's Blog.

I had a sudden thought of fear. What if I lose the ones' I love most? Life felt so short.

one thing two do three words four you.

I realized the power of your smile is really big.

I was so depressed and sad when I got to school. Unusual eh. Dad fetched me to school and made me cried like shit in the car, ugh. And then I was so glad that we met and he smiled at me. I was like – got a shot in the heart. Like all the bad things flew away. Yes I know, I described a little too over. But that’s really what I felt. I kept on telling myself: stop thinking, stop thinking. But it won’t stop, it’s like my mind got out of control, lol. Yes, I was overjoyed.

After that I got crazy for the whole day, can you imagine the power of a smile? Omg, I felt so silly cause I kept on laughing by myself. Omg, silly silly me. xiang ting said you can be satisfied so easily. Well, it’s enough for me already. I don’t hope for too much, I only longed for that smile.
Don’t frown because you’ll never know who’s falling in love with your smile. Oh, so true.

You’re the sweetest person I ever met. Your smile can melt me like the sun melts the ice. When you talk to me, I feel like the world is mine. Everything is mine! You’re the only light I see when I’m down (:

[/edited]
Omg, almost got involved in a car accident just now. Omg, omg, my heart is still beating so fast. I was talking to my sister. Suddenly, mom screamed. I looked to the right side and a lorry hit mom’s car. So luckily the lorry did not reverse even more, or else I’ll be the first to say bye-bye.

Man, I don’t wanna die at such young age, oh please. (I was just talking about suicide yesterday now I say I’m afraid of death, lol) Whatever lah, live your life when you still can. You’ll never know when the God will take you away.

mucho gracias, say it.

Don't frown, cause you must know
I've falled in love with your smile (:

Maybe I don't understand you much? Wtv.
Don't worried, your true love HAVEN'T appear in your life, that's all.
And it will, someday, the time is not here yet.
Be grateful and appreciate all the things you have right now,
because you'll never know when they will disappear.

And you must know, she cares.

life.

Dead of innocent.
1 minute of silence. Pray for the old man who died two days ago.
-

This old man ain't any important person in my life, but I just thought we ought to pray for him. He's our school's worker. He died in our school, at Blok E. He slipped down at the staircase, if I'm not mistaken. Two girls were in the toilet when they heard the 'bump!' sound, but they did not went up and find out what happened. Later when they knew this tragredy happened, they felt very sad and cried badly, because they felt it's their own fault that made the old man passed away. If they went up and checked out what happened, then maybe the old man can be saved.

We cannot control this kind of things, because our journey of life is already planned by the God when we are born. No one can predict what will happen in the future, maybe you'll get run over when you step out of your house? No one knows. So, appreciate everything you have now.

Don't always complain about stupid things, in fact we should feel lucky still breathing right now. Don't always fight with friends and family about small lil stuff, until that day they're not here anymore, you'll regret. Don't get mad easily, try and live happily everyday. Even problems occur, we should face it with a peaceful heart, not by kicking tables and chairs, feeling very irritating, not by crying day by day, but by facing it face to face. Accept others' comments, you must know everyone's mind thinking are not the same, it's just a friendly opinion. You can choose, be mad because they do not agree in everything you say or just accept it and think bout it, tell me which would be better?

Life is very beautiful if you know how to enjoy it.

failed to sign in msn ):