A struggle between future and friends. What the hell.
Where's the one I needed most? Where's the one who I used to share all my sadness with? ...
Alright here's the thing, people.
Class teacher had started asking us about our Form Fours classes. And I started to worry ... Whether I wanna give up on my own mother language or not. I'm strangling between Account and Mandarin. It's not like I'm saying mandarin isn't important, but compared to account ... And relate it with the future. Mandarin seems nothing, honestly. Account at least it will be able to help me in the future, well perhaps. Even though being an accountant wouldn't be on my list. But parents said no matter what occupation you choose to have, there's definitely still something that has to be related to account.
Maybe, parents affected my thoughts too.
But the thing I couldn't give up on. The worst thing is. If I had to choose this way, I don't know how to face a bunch of strangers without my all time best friends. Who should I sit with? Who would be the ones to laugh over my jokes? Who would be the ones to tease me about my hair? Who would be my group mates when we're having a project? I have doubt whether we'll be able to continue as best friends too. (I'm starting to feel like how MJ used to feel last year)
How can I even find another best friend again? I doubt whether I'll be able to fit in well with the other class mates. People might find me sitting in the corner of the class, alone. Thinking I'm definitely those girls who doesn't talk much but just read. Ew, I don't want that. It's beginning to feel like I'm returning to the past, before I met up with my crazy girls.
Sigh, best friends that I couldn't live without. And the other way around?
If I choose to stay with my best friends, I'm afraid that I might feel regret later. Especially when I get not-that-good-grade for mandarin. Or when I graduated, realizing so hard to find a job and thought of why I didn't choose to study account when I had the chance to. Mandarin doesn't find me a job. I know great poems and stuffs about mandarin. But it doesn't help me in the future. It's just a knowledge. Darn it.
Tears swelled over me.
Everything is ruined right now. Everything seems worse to be right now. Because the one isn't there. It isn't his fault, but hell. I don't feel right. Will you ever talk to me from now on? Will things work out between us? Will I even be able to survive through this half-broken relationship? But ... I don't want to end it, again. And that will be the last choice I would ever think about. I've lost hope in us already, to be honest. I miss the old you, just so you know. You've changed, so have I uh.
Sigh, sighed. For the other fucking thing. 10 subjects for SPM, blame the government eh.
