Picking myself up

Bucket full of tears

Baby, know I'm here

I'm here waiting. 

Close your precious eyes, 

And just realize, 

I'm still fighting. - Without You, AJ Rafael.

I tried dressing up in yellow today, in hope of cheering myself up. Which ... reminded me of how I know you would certainly compliment me and tell me that I look beautiful, just like every other day.  

And when I passed by the energy hub, all those red, pink balloons and white flowers decorations - and nonetheless, the love songs playing in the air, I just kept walking and tried not to think too much. But I was honestly, honestly, hoping that I can catch a glimpse of you. Just to get a reassurance that you're doing .. not too bad. 

Unfortunately I didn't spot you. 

Later when I got back home, received a mind-blowing news that Taylor Swift is coming to town this June! First number that I wanted to dial was yours. Because, I do still remember the promise we made. But, I called another friend and unexpectedly he passed the phone to you (not knowing what happened between us). 

You sounded surprised, and I .. was in shock too. Tuned down a little of my excitement, and you sounded like you were trying hard to not utter the wrong words. Too many spaces and pauses between your words, and at the end you said "Enjoy.. the .. rest .. of your day." 

Probably not bumping into each other for now might be less painful for us? Because I don't know how to look into your eyes and imagine that I'm not looking into the one I love anymore.