This person, is extraodinary. It isn't like he knows to sing high pitch or knowing acrobatic skills. No, it isn't. I have no idea why, he's just un-descriable. That kind of feeling, while walking with him, talking to him or even just looking at him, it's different and it does not happen everytime I meet someone. I knew it a long ago, it wasn't just normal feelings. It definately isn't. At the beginning, it was hard for me to accept the fact. But, I was actually falling in love with him.
This whole year, we been through a lot of things. Sad ones and happy ones. So many so many arguement and tough days we've passed, I'm grateful that we're still fine, we still can talk about the past happily. All those tears and heart broken, is worth for everything right now. He gave me a lot of things, but the best of all is the memories being with him.
He said he'll be gone if he gets full As in next year's PMR. I smiled, acted like I was fine. But, I pretended all along, always hiding my blue face from him. 'Well, you really don't looks like you care.' that's what he said. I care, I care too much that I wanna let myself be the one to suffer, the pain. I guess he never realized, at all. I don't want him to leave unwillingly, at least I still can see him smiling when he goes. I should say, "You looks like you're really hoping to leave." "Yeah of course ... " I was stunned and goes "Oh Well, that's even better." Cause he seems so excited and happy about that. And so, I pretended again, pretend to be as happy as he is.
I was selfish all along. He wasn't mine, but I was like kept on holding him, not letting him to go. As she said, knowing your mistakes only isn't enough. But what am I suppose to do ? Let go, just like that ? I have that feeling towards him, it wasn't like I was fooling him or something. Still, after so many months, I cannot get over myself. I can't say, "YES." I was selfish all along. Finding the right person and have that kind of feeling is not easy, letting go was even worst. I wanted him to find someone to replace me, but when he told me he kinda like accepted another girl. Something unusual happened, I broke down. I was confused, that was the ending I wanted. But, why I reacted this ? This made him feel bad, he can't be with other girls, he was afraid I would be sad; He can't be with me, because of ____. It's like standing on the crossroad, cars are coming from all directions, and don't know which way to go. Should I run ? but if I run I would get hit too. If i don't run, i'll get hit too. So how ? In the end, i'm still being selfish all along.
I cannot predict how would future be, without him. I have no idea and that's why I hate to think about the future. That's why I feel down when I think about the future. It only makes me thinks, the days left being with him is lesser. Whether how, I would still need to get over it, life still have to go on and it doesn't stop because of he's gone. I guess, I would just let the time heals everything.
我爱你woaini.
HAPPY 14TH BIRTHDAY, MR. A-Z !
(:
