It had been a crazy day today, but I also told Bryan this while we were on our way back home, "I'm just glad that you're still here with me". Really, that's all that matters, having each other at the end of the day.
One night ago, I was at my lowest, at my weakest, to the point where I thought that there is no turning back to this and things would never be right again. Like the sun would never shine again.
I was drenched in tears when I went to bed and when I woke up. I broke down driving to campus, I broke down in the car park. Sitting there, alone, wiping my tears that just wouldn't stop. I was honestly scared that somebody would knock on my glass to ask me what was wrong, thankfully the weather was cold and my car had mist all around to cover my teary face up.
I went up to the place we agreed to meet up about half an hour earlier. Rereading our conversation, trying to think of what to say, and what would be the worst thing to happen. Trying to brace myself, but ended up breaking down, again.
He came, we started talking ... and came to the point that we should have a break from our relationship. I got so scared, so, so scared.
The instant he placed his hand on my legs, that instant touch that I realized I missed and yearned for so much, my eyes swelled up with tears right away. And I teared up, I couldn't stop crying and he pulled me in close and tight.
I said, "I actually told myself not to cry because that's like blackmailing". He said, "No, it's not blackmailing if the tears are real."
He also said that this entire setting is all too familiar, because we had this teary-heartbreaking time last year before. Similarly with me crying non-stop, and him comforting me, kissing my tears away.
Back to my car, he pointed at the dark clouds outside and said, "don't worry it might take a while, but the sun would still pop out eventually." And I did see that blazing sunset when I got back home, I didn't stop smiling then.
Been to hell and back and I went with you, baby.
