Stay

Hi. Tomorrow's the second day of my second semester's finals. And maths is on. Which means I shouldn't be sitting here in front of the screen, slamming furiously on my keyboard, typing things that might not even make sense to myself.

But I am mad.

And when one is mad, one cannot study maths. It rhymes!

So tell me, how can you be rationale to someone who's being irrational?

They think it's immature to fall in love in this age, my age, yes and I'm 18 years old. They expect me to withhold my feelings until probably the least 10 years from now. Which is when I'm 28 years old and then I am allowed to confess my love freely to someone that I've already fallen in love, when I'm 18.

I'm talking nonsense I know. But they are the one who's telling me this piece of shit.

I have a boyfriend and my Facebook relationship status: In A Relationship.

How can that ruin my life? Yeah, when one sees it in the most exaggerating and overdramatized way, that is when my boyfriend will ruin my life.

If I'm 18 and I have a husband and my Facebook relationship status is married. That is a real problem.

And of course, not forget to mention they would love me to break up my current relationship, OH NO WAIT. HE CALLS IT A FREAKING AFFAIR. with someone I see almost 10 hours a day, 5 days a week, someone I love, someone that loves me back. There is something called commitment and trust. No matter how far you pull me away from him, it stays there. If it was that easy to just say goodbye, why would I have even give a fuck about falling in love in the first place?  

Please forgive me for my vulgarities, you know my stand - I had never regret falling in love before. Honestly speaking, it's one of the best decision I've ever made, to not just fall in love, but to fall in love with you. Only you.

Okay back to where I left. So does that mean that 10 years from now I am bound to find someone better, and more perfect for me? Who are you to even judge, who's the best for me? Like, seriously.

I may not to be able to fight back your words saying - he would break my heart and run away when a prettier girl comes. But I know myself, I know him, I know us. First fact, yes I would definitely be heartbroken - you don't know I've been through worst and no I wouldn't even want to tell you about that. Second fact, he loves me wholeheartedly, with the word me I meant me not just plain blatantly on the outside. Third fact, 10 years from now nobody would break my heart and I am bound to have a perfect relationship that can last for a life time? Who are you to say about that?

Sending me away doesn't make any difference, please note that. Because like I said, there is something called commitment and trust. And distance means nothing when that person you love means everything. I could have been a failure at long distance relationship once before, okay twice - but at least this time I know both of us will never stop trying to work things out. We talk, we get mad (at ourselves) at each other, we cry, we say sorry (for making the other sorry), and at the end of the day we might not be able to find the solution but everything would turn out just fine.

You wouldn't understand something like that, and I'm not even going to make you understand. Because in your world, everything about you is right and I'm always standing at the wrong side. You have your way of thinking, and only your way of thinking.

Fine, be that way.  

Trust me, I will not let my children go through something as ridiculous as this. Don't tell me the next time, to tell my kids to stop themselves from falling in love when they are 18. Because you don't fucking fall in love every time you see someone. Love at first sight, doesn't work on everyone.

And it's definitely not a fucking trend that I follow, that makes me want a boyfriend just as it is. I didn't beg for it to come, I didn't get down on my knees and pray for cupid to shoot me with his bows and arrows, fuck no. It's love, you don't find someone you love and loves you back that easily.

It's not like people are lining up to be my boyfriend, even if they were I wouldn't even fucking care because I am not hiring a fucking boyfriend just to love me.

I am not being rebellious or immoral, if that's what you call love is. I am also not disobeying your rules, but time have changed. I just wished someone can make you see that.

But whatever it is, I stay, he stays, we stay together. You cannot break us apart by force.

I'm feeling a hell lot better, time to get back to maths now I guess.

And, I love you, Bryan. Forever your little sunshine till the sun stops shining :)