Morning, 7.48am.
I was extremely nervous. Even though I used to sound so brave to get up the stage and speak. (yada yada yada yada)
My hands were shaking, so were my legs. The paper that I held was totally gripped hardly in my hand, cause that's the only thing I could count on. So I tried moving my body, my head in order to hide that I was suffering from stage fright.
Sentences and words were all wrong at the beginning. I was so worried. Grammar mistakes, were so many, that I totally don't know what the heck I was talking about already. But luckily, a good thing was, my voice remained calm all the time and it didn't reveal the nervousness that was up to 100 degree Celsius in my body.
My eyes were moving around and around, I was trying hard to calm myself down, and don't stop speaking at the same time. Seriously, it's seemed like everyone was looking at me. Their attention was totally on me. Left, right, left, right. Yes, they're still staring at me.
Finally, the thank you got out of my lips and following by a round of applause. Totally, just so relieved. The hell of 6 minutes, ended.
I knew I was going too fast, I was rushing through the speech. I used to do so every time during a presentation. I do realized that, since form 2, Miss Ng even commented on that, during our oral play. Or might be because of I used to talk in that kind of speed. (i don't know cause i'm so used to it!) Or, I was in panic and I desperately wanted to finish off the text and get the hell out of being the centre of attention. All reasons sound logical to me, hmm.
Yes, no doubt, I didn't done it well.
But teachers said nice words (praising lah) to me, shook my hands and congratulated me on doing so well in the speech. I was overjoyed. Friends that pass by me would compliment on my speech and said it was really nice. And I was even happier, cause they really do remember: Kindness and Gratitude. I was extremely happy. Chris raised up her thumb when she walked pass me! People did really listened and I was really glad for that. And people did enjoy, I appreciated that, a lot. It meant so much to me.
Morning, 10.06am.
"Good news or bad news?"
"Good news."
"I've got accepted."
"Bad news is, 17th of February."
Just two sentences. And it totally hit me.
Extremely hard.
Clearly, I wasn't ready. It came all out of a sudden. It came too fast. No, I wasn't ready. No, I couldn't face the truth. No matter how optimistic I was before, it hit me and everything just shattered. I am afraid.
I don't even have months to count, but approximately 2 weeks. 14 days. 336 hours. 20160 minutes. 1209600 seconds. No, it's not long.
He's leaving.
I held on to my sadness. Because I know deep down I was happy for him. Because I know this is the best for him, this is what he wanted. Because this is how it's planned all along. I actually had more than 2 weeks to accept the fact that he'll leave. Just the question of when? Sooner, or later. 2 years ago, I already knew that this day would come in the end. Only awaiting to find out when would it really be.
And I got my answer now.
