We may only have tonight but till the morning sun you’re mine. All mine. - Rhythm of Love, Plain White T’s.If there’s a list for my worst days, guess what? Today would be at the top place, number one. Nothing was right. Not even before the sun rise.
I was woken up by a horrible nightmare just in the early morning. 3.35am
As my eyes open up, my heart was pounding, heck fast. I don’t remember anything from the nightmare, but just the frightening feeling. I ran and switched on all the lights. The darkness was creeping hell out of me. Then. I could sleep no more.
At school. Someone raised their voices on me, twice. And I couldn’t fight back the terrified feeling, and my body was shuddering. But I still had to abide with it, face it with a smile. What else is there to do huh?
And since when did I become such a coward?
I counted my Physics marks. (first punch in my heart)
I got back my Add Math paper. (fucking second punch in my heart)
And that hurts so much. I even started to get teary. I fell completely silent. I weren’t able to utter a word. I doubt there’s any word to speak. I was disappointed. I was depressed.
I had never felt that miserable before.
“Very low only. 94.”
“Wow, even my mark is higher than a 12.”
&)*^(*#%!$@$##*^%(*^@
I don’t blame them. Because someone taught me before, blamers are losers.
To be honest, I was afraid to move my lips and talk. Anything might trigger my tear duct and I would just break down. No. That’s too embarrassing. Oh come on, it’s just an examination. No big deal.
Yeah right.
Well, no one spoke a comforting word either, to my surprise actually. But I too, don’t blame them. Why should I? Maybe it’s good that they kept quiet too. Given me some space, empty my mind and think.
Next. The meeting. Ugh. Just to remind me of the heavy burden, and all the events for the coming year lining up already. And just to remind me again, how long are they going to hold on to the grudge. How long will it possibly take to regain back the bond between us? It will never be the same anymore, if this continues. I’m scare. And I need support. Worse, I don’t feel them. Maybe it’s because I didn’t voice out, perhaps.
I don’t know if I can handle it. I don’t know if I’m capable of. (a second of hesitate)
And the day ended badly. I guess my emo feeling bugged him. I shouldn’t have said anything, because it doesn’t change a thing right? Maybe not. Maybe it might make me feel a lot better. But as stated before, there’s nothing left to say too right?
I’m sorry. I’m sorry I behaved this way.
IT SUCKS TO BE ME. It really sucks.
I ponder upon a question, if you are here, would you be able to find the right words to comfort me, my special friend?
Ya know what? I should still be grateful, at least there’s a tiny part of the day I felt happy, maybe happy isn’t that word. At least I felt better. Well I did laugh didn’t I?Tomorrow would be a better day, I hope.
