Love that remains longest in your heart is the one that is not returned.
Hello. Unbelievably, 4 weeks had passed. But it felt like months to me.
I thought I could be the loyal girl friend, who's determined to wait till he returns. But, more than 12 months, I starts to hesitate, is it worth it? Clearly, I'm not determine enough. Am I able to? Am I patient enough? I don't know.
Trying to forget someone you love is like trying to remember someone you never knew. I understand this. I never wanted to forget him. But the thing is, his face, our memories starts to fade. His absence, had slowly turned into - something I'm used to. Like, like he had never been there before. Like he never existed in my life. But what is that I can do?
All that's left in us is just long - awkward - silence. It is not easy to return to how it was before. Especially he's so faraway now. An invisible wall, a barrier starts to form, separating us, pushing us even far apart. And I wonder if I'll ever be able to jump over the wall.
He comes up my mind once in a while. He appears in my dreams once in a while. But, only once in a while. I felt, this is so wrong. I felt, as if I had betrayed or cheated on him. When we actually are nothing but just plain friends, or perhaps, turning into, just strangers?
A lot had been going through my mind. Complications. Confusions.
How is it possibly for me to fall in love, that fast? I doubt about my own feelings. But who else would know myself better than I do? And there we go, no answers replied for all my questions.
I might be giving myself excuses and more excuses. Or it's by true heart. Yes, undeniably a part of me still craves for his love, and another part of my heart beats for another guy. Tell me, am I just plain desperate or, what?
Or maybe he had created such a great impact in my life, a difference, that I couldn't get rid of?And I am in need of finding another person to replace him? In order to forgive, and forget! But nobody can. I know that.
What should I do next? Wait? Wait? Or, wait? My faith is shaking.
No one can promise they'll never hurt you, because at one time or another they will. The real promise is if the time you spent together will be worth the pain in the end.
Ok. I'll just leave those back of my mind first.
Anyhow, I wanted to thank those who helped me through this toughest time of mine, when I'm at my worst. I am very grateful and glad of their presence, their support, their love and their patient.
And a lot more, who concerned, who gave warm-hearted consolations.
Thank you.
Love, could be so simple yet, so complicated at some times. Don't you think so? C'est La Vie, people.
