Just only two days ago, I was in your arms and so eager, excited and overjoyed to see you long after we’ve been apart. I thought our love had grown stronger, strong enough to withstand whatever that’s gonna happen in the coming future. I thought, everything was okay. Everything was so fine, cause we’re still so deeply in love. But I was wrong. I didn’t sense something weren’t right. I didn’t.
And I was too late.
Your voice calling out for me, “Honey” still rings in my head. Over and over again. Your last glance at me. I didn’t realize the way you look was different. But you said, “I’m gonna love you, miss you.” And I believed.
If I were to know this was going to happen, I would never let you leave. Or … I would at least hold you longer, if it’s the last time I can be that close to you.
But I didn’t know. I didn’t expect it. It just happened. It’s over. Just. Like. That. Without even me noticing, the stars had started to change, the clouds had started the part away.
I want to hate you. I want to hate you so much. But I can’t.
Because I made a promise. If things don’t go on well between us, if it didn’t work out between us, just let it be. I’ll be alright.
Clearly, I won’t be alright. It is not going to be alright. It is not going to be okay. It feels like there’s a hollow space in my heart. Something, somebody missing.
But you made a promise too. You won’t give up on me, on us.
I really don’t understand. What had happened? You, don’t love me anymore?
When I saw your status changed, I thought it was just a joke. You would never hurt me that way. Never. But I was wrong, again.
I sent – “I hate you.” In a jokingly way. But I got back your message – “I’m sorry.” And I start to feel the pain rising, the pain from my heart, and it beats so fast. And I couldn’t breathe. I gasped for air. I broke down. And cried, and cried, and cried.
I took the phone with my trembling hands, shaking body and started to type madly. I start praying to God. Please don’t do this to me. Please, I beg you. I’m sorry for whatever I’ve done. Please don’t leave me. I’m scared. Don’t.
“Read the email.” I rushed to my computer and checked my inbox.
1 email. Dear Regina.
I didn’t even read till the end. The tears were already pouring out. I couldn’t accept the fact. I don’t believe it. I thought we have the strongest bond that nothing can break us apart. But damn the distance, for being mean to us.
I don’t blame you. I shouldn’t blame you. Cause this is one of the thing I should had been ready to face at the beginning. Since you left. But I put all my trust, and I was really sure we’ll get it through as long as we believe in each other.
Maybe you stopped believing.
But I wished for so much. I see so much of you in my future. And you just, torn me apart.
I didn’t stop crying. Not even till now.
You meant so much to me. We shared so many memories together, too much. Too much, even beyond words I could say.
“Trust me, you’ll have fun without me.”
But I don’t want to be happy without you. I don’t care if there’s billion of them better than you out there, I don’t care cause I just want you. I don’t want others, but you.
I’m not going to forget what we’ve been through. I’m not going to forget that you had been the best part of my life. And our memories will always stay in my mind. Always.
I’m devastated. I thanked for those who are concerned. I hope this wound heal fast. But I won’t forget the person I’ve love so much.
If this is really the best for us, this is really what you wanted. I know I should let go. But I can’t, I’m really afraid that if I let go all of this, start a new life, I would eventually forget about everything. Everything that we’ve been through and I don’t want to forget about you. I don’t want to forget about the way you loved me. But how can I treat you like nothing more than a friend if I still love you? It hurts. And it hell, hurts a lot.
I don’t know what I should do. Perhaps, I should try to make myself happy? I will try to.
We belong together. We’ve been destined to meet and be together, but not for long. It’s God’s decision when we should leave and go on our separate ways. Just because this weren’t the right time for us.
If we never meet again, I hope we’ll meet in our next life, and God will have made a better decision in order for us to last more than a lifetime.
And I’ll always be the best friend you need. I love you more than a human can possibly love you.
