Looking at you makes it harder,I can't stand it, I can't stand it. I can't, anymore.
But I know that you'll find another
That doesn't always make you wanna cry - Already Gone, Kelly Clarkson.
January, February, March, April, May and June. Six months gone, six months left. It had been so long, too long yet I still can't believe it. Can't believe that someone who used to love me so much, had changed so much. I kept on thinking nah, it's fine, it will definately end in a happy way. But what if it wouldn't? No one made a step, what if until when he's gone, nothing happened. Then, he's really gone. How about me? I couldn't imagine how it would be, him not there anymore. I JUST CAN'T IMAGINE. I thought when I get the chance to talk to him, everything will be fine. But no, it seems like he don't even wanna talk to me. I thought he loved me and he would come back like how he used to every time we had arguement, but no. Is it because I've hurted him too deep, and so he turned back and stab on me once? I couldn't believe it, still couldn't believe it. I told myself I should move on, I shouldn't ruin his life anymore. But why I still wanted to search for his shadow everyday? Why am I so desperate to hear his voice or see his sweet smile, listen to his laughters? Why? I DON'T UNDERTAND. I wanted to grab his attention, and I don't know why. I kept on thinking of stupid ways to hurt myself, just to grab his attention. WHAT FOR? And what I gain? Only more pain. And why on earth should our memories stay in my mind? Every night, I was haunted by nightmares, who can get me out? It's terrifying. Darn it, why does everything and every places I go reminds me of him? WHY CAN'T I JUST GET A GRIP? I used to think that this year would be a great year and I will spend everyday with him. If he'll leave, as least we had great memories together. But WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON? We were that close, but now ... so very far. WHY ARE THE IMAGES STILL SO CLEAR IN MY MIND? EVERYTHING HE DOES. WHY? Why I couldn't stop thinking about him just for one second and make everything clear? Because he doesn't love me anymore. Why should I cry every night for a person who doesn't even cares? HELL!
Stop, stop, stop the stupid tears from wetting my cheeks.
Guess I'll never be able to get him out of my mind. Never, guess he'll be my best memories until I'm blind-folded. I love him more than I ever know.
Do you remember you wrote before Az loves Giina saying that let the whole world knows and you don't wanna change?
Do you remember that rainy day that my umbrella knocked your head?
Do you remember we sat on the floor and you told me you had chill when you wanted to hold my hand?
Do you remember we walked around and around the school and you told me you had one year and nine months left?
Do you remember we sat together so close in the library and laughed because we said the same thing at the same time?
Do you remember you wrote before My Love for Regina is great than everything and I can never live without her?
Do you remember the two silly people standing in the middle of the road, and you gave me the necklace?
Do you remember that how stupid I was that you need to help me and teach me how to eat?
Do you remember that one day you kept on asking me what colour I like the most?
Do you remember how much you misses me last holiday?
Do you remember that the last day under the bridge I showed you the watch and I pointed the words 'I Love You' ?
Do you remember how idiot we were singing through msn?
Do you remember the one phone call I was able to make last holiday and for the first time ever we talked for 20 minutes?
Do you remember I got touched when I received the chocolate during Valentine Day?
Do you remember we used to splash water at each other during the rainy days?
Do you remember how much you hated about the nightmares you had last holiday?
Do you remember that you dedicated Stick With You to me?
Do you remember that day how happy you were after seeing the present on your table?
Do you remember how badly I cried because you did not tell me that you were leaving?
Do you remember you promised me that I'll see you in navy blue pants and long sleeves shirt?
Do you remember once I got sick and you sneaked out of class to say goodbye to me?
Do you remember how happy for the first time ever we sang together?
Do you remember you called back just telling me you forgotten to say 'I Love You' ?
Do you remember everyday I used to wake up early just to chat with you in the morning?
Do you remember you always ask me 'do you still love me' ?
Do you remember how you used to love me?
Do you remember me?
full stop.
I can't deny, I still love you
and you'll always be my baby.
and you'll always be my baby.
